What is it that taunts your brain in the wee small hours? Why is it our brain chooses to run through all the things we haven’t done and berate us for it? Or maybe it’s trying to be helpful, getting our attention when the activity is quiet in there? This is the only time you’re not distracting yourself with the million and one things you do all day to avoid thinking about certain things, looking at your patterns of behaviour, recognising where you’re ‘going wrong’ or not allowing yourself to feel what you don’t want to feel, so it brings them up now all of that’s stopped at last and there’s space for those to come to the surface.

So yes, if you’re like me, you may be successful at keeping yourself occupied all day and thinking you’ve avoided facing any and all of those, but you can bet your bottom dollar that those little suckers are going to come out to play around in your brain during the night and get you caught up in a loop of overthinking, sleeplessness, trying to get your thoughts to just “Shut the F*** up!” Because we don’t want to hear the ‘one more thing’ they have to say and we want to be getting some rest instead of stressing over it. And the thing is, those thoughts don’t just come on their own, do they? No, because thoughts generate feelings and emotions and usually at that time of night, those aren’t good ones either – for me they are more likely to be along the lines of feeling like a failure in some way, sadness, loneliness or just pure frustration with myself when things aren’t working out how I’ve expected or hoped in some way. Then even when I do manage to fall asleep again, the first thing I’m going to think about in the morning is ‘why did that happen?’ It can be easy to go into the next day in a low mood or just feeling exhausted from lack of sleep so we make poor decisions, our actions and reactions are on autopilot and then we get the results that come from that which can start off the whole vicious cycle again if we’re not careful.

As someone who coaches others and helps them find ways to deal with these kinds of things, feeling that way myself can lead to more frustration – “Why have I not got this figured out by now? I should be immune to this surely? And other ‘shoulds’ along those lines…

And yet I’m human and I’m not immune to those kind of thought loops and patterns and their consequences. So yes I do have tools I can use and in the morning or later in the day when I can look at it more objectively, I can usually recognise it for what it was and start to let it go or choose to do something different to help myself. That may be reaching out to a friend or just admitting to others I feel this way too. Just doing that makes me realise I’m not alone in feeling this way and I am surrounded by loving caring people who want to help. So I’m lucky and I know it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s a superpower not a weakness, but that takes some reminding too.

I can hold myself to a high standard sometimes because of what I do, but actually on reflection that’s what makes me good at it and that’s why my clients resonate with me because I share their emotions, thoughts and feelings at times. I too have that feeling at times of “There’s something missing in my life and if I could just figure out what it is and how to make it happen I’ll be happy”. Those are the ones that keep niggling at us and the reason they do is because we’re not doing anything about it and yet it is really important to us, so avoidance isn’t an option! Our thoughts have a positive intention for us, so the niggle is just going to get louder until we pay attention and do something to silence it i.e. take an action, take the 1st step whatever that is and see where it leads you. Even if whatever that ‘one thing’ is that’s niggling at you doesn’t quite work out how you’d imagined or hoped, it will lead you somewhere.

Maybe your action will be to reach out to someone to talk things through & help you get clarity and you can always talk to me if you like, I’ll get it.